HOW TO BE MORE CONFIDENT AND MAKE A GREAT FIRST IMPRESSION

Meeting someone for the first time can make anyone a little anxious. After all, most of us want to be liked and respected -- and no one wants to blow their chance to make a good first impression. The saying “You only have one chance to make a first impression” holds true in many situations, from job interviews to sales calls. How can you make sure that you start off on the right foot in any of these scenarios? What should you actually say? And what’s the best way to follow up?

What the Experts Say
First impressions matter so much because they happen fast, and they are stubborn, says Whitney Johnson, the author of Disrupt Yourself: Putting the Power of Disruptive Innovation to Work. “We make judgments [about other people] in a nanosecond.” And once that impression is formed, it’s “very, very hard to change it.” Simply put, your relationships and interactions will be a lot easier if you’re able to immediately start off strong. “You get the benefit of the doubt,” says Dorie Clark, the author of Reinventing You: Define Your Brand, Imagine Your Future. “So then if you ever say the wrong thing, make a mistake, or arrive at work late, the other person is more likely to assume the best.” A strong first impression, she says, “gives you more latitude to be human.”

 I meet new people almost every day. I know that first meetings can be unnerving -- it does not seem to matter whether you are meeting in person or via Web video. 

If meeting new people is a challenge for you, here is some good news. You can improve how you come across in a first meeting. And with practice, you can even become adept at it.

It helps to examine how confident people approach social situations. They do not shy away from meeting new people; they put themselves out there. That added practice helps to ease new introductions. They also do not kick themselves if they have an awkward moment -- they learn from it and move on.

Here are 10 more ways confident people make a great first impression when meeting someone new:

1) Be  Prepare

It is smart to research who you are meeting ahead of time so you will feel more at ease and able to strike up conversations more easily. This is not always possible, but in work situations, you know who you will be speaking with more often than not. Read up on the background of the company so that you have a few talking points to share.

2) Be punctual

Being late not only makes a poor first impression, but it starts you off at a disadvantage. If you are meeting in person, plan to arrive a little early so you can find a parking space and collect your thoughts. If you are participating in a web meeting, eliminate distractions ahead of time and be ready to log in as soon as the meeting starts.

3) Offer a friendly hello and a firm handshake

In most professional and certain social situations, a handshake is just about the only appropriate form of physical contact. Your handshake is your calling card. People “read” your handshake and can instantly determine whether you should be treated as an equal, superior, or inferior. The best way to shake hands, for both women and men, is to be firm. Offer enough strength in your grip to show that you’re confident, but not so much as to make the other person feel uncomfortable. When you give a firm handshake, you’re sending the signal that should be treated with respect. You may not have given much thought to how you say hello. But studies of vocal attractiveness show that people form an immediate opinion of the other person's personality with this simple greeting. So make sure your warmth comes through when you say hello the first time.

4)  Natural Eye contact

Eye contact is the single most important body language in Western societies (different cultures have different norms for eye contact). Research reveals that patterns in the iris send signals which indicate whether we’re friendly or unfriendly, trusting or neurotic (2). Importantly, we use our eyes to convey attentiveness, rapport and trust. We can also use our eyes to establish authority, strength and power.

In most social and professional situations, the best way to make eye contact is to be natural and direct. Natural means looking at a person without staring. Direct means avoiding excessive eye movement sideways, which could be interpreted as evasiveness or distraction, or downwards, which could be viewed as insecurity and lack of confidence. If you are not sure how long to hold the other person's gaze, look at their eyes long enough to register what color their eyes are. Eye contact is also critical if you are meeting online, so be sure to look at the other person on the screen, just as if you were meeting in person.There are certain conflict situations where positioning yourself next to a person (or at an angle) and looking in the same direction may help de-escalate tension. In most positive or neutral situations, however, it’s useful to maintain natural and direct eye contact.

5) Engage in chitchat

“The most common mistake people make when trying to make a good impression is that they think they have to impress the other person with their vast knowledge,” says Clark. But the fact is, your aim is “not to wow and dazzle” but rather “to create a conversation that’s memorable” and engaging. So try to draw out the other person. And listen to what they have to say. “The better you make the other person feel, the more they’ll be inclined to have a positive impression of you,” says Clark. Keep in mind that people love to talk about themselves so ask thoughtful, open-ended questions such as, “What are you most excited about right now?” Doing so “allows you to tap into what the person is passionate about.” It could be a new assignment at work, upcoming travel, or a new product lineup. You may think that small talk is a waste of time (and just want the conversation done and over with.) But small talk is important to the art of conversation; a few minutes chatting about the weather helps eliminate your own awkwardness before you ease into more serious topics. Chitchat also makes the other person feel comfortable (which will make you more likable.)

6) Ask questions

You may think that you should show strength and launch right into your discussion. But posing a question first allows the other person to have the floor -- which helps them to feel understood. In the process, you learn something new about the other person, which helps to build the relationship.

7) Give and take

Some people have a tendency to ramble on when nervous, and rush to fill in any awkward silences. If you are a rambler, remember that a conversation should have a nice back-and-forth rhythm. Take turns and listen to what the other person is saying, instead of planning what you are going to say next.

8)  Body language

When meeting someone new, it’s normal to be nervous but you don’t want your anxiety to show. Your body language should be “confident and comfortable,” says Clark. That advice is easier preached than executed, of course, so Clark suggests, “using the methodology of power posing [before the meeting] to tamp down your cortisol levels.” Take long strides. Sit up straight. Walk with your chest held high. Even if this isn’t your natural way of being, you can assume simple poses that will increase your confidence. For particularly high-stakes meetings, it may also be worthwhile to videotape yourself ahead of time so you can see how the other person will view you, adds Johnson. Observing yourself in this way will help you identify how you can improve your delivery. Give the other person space so they do not feel claustrophobic. Lean in to show interest, and do not cross your arms or look disinterested during the conversation. If you are in a video meeting, remember - body language still matters. You can nod and use gestures to demonstrate your understanding and engagement with the conversation.

9) Be positive

Even if you were in a grouchy mood earlier in the day, shake off that gloomy perspective and force yourself to be pleasant. Saying nice things about others will make the person associate you with being nice as well (a phenomenon called spontaneous trait transference.) And a little bit of flattery can also help leave a favorable impression.

10) Smile

In any situation where you want to be taken seriously and treated with respect, show your confident smile. A confident smile is simply one that does not show too much teeth. Flashing too much of your ivories may give the impression that you’re eager to please and seeking approval. This tip only applies to situations where you want to be taken seriously. In more relaxed and informal situations, smile however you like. In your nervousness, you may forget to smile altogether. But a smile can tell plenty about you, so use your great smile to your advantage. The other person will subconsciously read whether or not you are a person they can trust. So be yourself, and do not be afraid to offer a genuine grin (which is even better accompanied by a laugh.)

It is true that first-time meetings can be awkward. But you will gain more confidence every time you take that opportunity to meet someone new.

With practice, you will become less self-conscious  -- and then meeting new people can become second nature to you as well.